


You're All Mongrels. Sorry, Kirei Doesn't Make the Rules, Gil Does.

by Beanmaster_Pika



Series: It's Not a Ramen Shop, But It'll Do [1]
Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: AU, But whatever, Cafe AU, F/F, M/M, TAKE MY HORRIBLE WRITING Y'ALL, gil is there and is both good and bad for business with his devilish good looks and rude manners, i dont know if arturia and iri are ever gonna show up again but whatever, kirei gets to run a shop, not a romance story im sorry y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 08:04:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13336932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beanmaster_Pika/pseuds/Beanmaster_Pika
Summary: Kirei owns a cafe, and Gilgamesh technically works for him. Only technically.





	You're All Mongrels. Sorry, Kirei Doesn't Make the Rules, Gil Does.

“Your coffee, mongrels.”  


Gilgamesh sets down two steaming cups of tea. The blonde woman looks flabbergasted--by his stunning good looks, he tells himself arrogantly, though really it’s at his behavior--and she should just be glad that he didn’t slam the cups down like some sort of uncultured swine.

“I’m sorry?” she manages.  


“You should be, for not bowing down upon seeing your king,” he tells her. She frowns even more at that.  


“I was being  _polite,_ you  _lout!_  What kind of service is that, calling your customers mongrels?!” she demands. The white-haired woman seated across from her reaches out and holds her hand placatingly.  


“Now, now, Arturia,” she says pleasantly. “Calm down. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it.”  


“On the contrary,” Gilgamesh says boredly, leaning back against a nearby table.  The metal tray he’d been carrying is warm through his uniform, heated by the coffee. “I meant every word. You’re both nought but dogs compared to me.”  


The blonde woman--Arturia--glares at him. “I demand an apology, if not for me then for Irisviel,” she says through gritted teeth, “and if you refuse to give one, I would like to speak to your manager.”  


“Please,” she adds as an afterthought, because apparently she is polite.  


But she demands to see the  _manager?_  Oh, Gilgamesh is going to have fun with this one.

“Fine,” he says. “You may speak with the manager.” He turns, cups a hand around his mouth, and calls, “Kirei!”  


The man himself comes out of the kitchens, makes his way through the crowded cafe, and comes to a stop at the table Gilgamesh has graced with his presence. Gilgamesh proceeds to wrap an arm around his waist and practically _croons_ , “Kirei, these  _mongrels_  think that I owe them an apology for simply calling them what they are. What do you think?”  


Kirei is unperturbed by the situation as a whole. Any normal manager would have been at least mildly concerned by Gilgamesh’s actions towards customers, but, well. Kirei is anything but normal. Gilgamesh wouldn’t love him if he wasn’t.

“You owe them nothing, of course,” he says, almost sickeningly indulgent, much to Gilgamesh’s delight, but not to his surprise, “my king.”  


Gilgamesh is relishing the expression on Arturia’s face as it morphs rapidly from confusion to understanding to shock and then purples in rage. Irisviel bites back a laugh, says nothing. She looks like she finds this almost as entertaining as Gilgamesh does. “You, sir,” Arturia says aggressively, standing, “are detestable.” Gilgamesh isn’t sure who she’s speaking to, him or Kirei. It could be both, honestly. She stands, grabs her companion’s hand, and leaves in a huff. “Come on, Irisviel! We are leaving this place, and going to an  _actual_  cafe with waiters that have  _basic manners_.”

Irisviel does not argue, instead nodding gamely as she steps lightly along. She does, however, turn to wave goodbye to Gilgamesh and Kirei. “I didn’t drink the coffee, but it smelled delicious!” she calls in odd compliment. Arturia stops for a moment, staring at her in confoundment, but Irisviel skips ahead and Arturia has no choice but to hurry to follow.

Oh, Gilgamesh  _loves_  this job.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so here it is. It’s short, it’s awful, and it took me longer than I would have liked, but whatever. Next is the origin story, whenever I write more.
> 
> Also Gil I am aware that the service industry is literally living hell but that is no call to call your customers mongrels.


End file.
